I could never really hate you
by Gosh1991
Summary: Nikita and Alex lovin' if the fight in 2x01 went differently


**Title**: I could never really hate you

**Author**: Gosh1991

**Fandom**: Nikita

**Pairing**: Nikita/Alex

**Rating**: K+

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing

**Summary**: just some lovin' between Nikita and Alex in 2x01 if the fight scene had gone differently.

"Drop your gun" Alex ordered her eyes ablaze with such intensity Nikita wondered if this was the same Alex she had known just a few months ago. This girls eyes were cold and guarded; her blue eyes looking like ice. Nikita contemplated leaving her gun trained on Alex but she knew deep down inside she could never hurt her so she dropped the gun onto the damp ground of the alleyway.

She kept her eyes trained on Alex unsure of what she might do and from what Nikita could assess from the situation it looked like Alex was having and internal battle with herself; her eyes were watching Nikita with acute accuracy but her grip on the gun was slacker than Nikita had taught her as if she was unsure if she should be pointing it at Nikita.

Nikita tried to test the waters "What are you gonna do? Shoot me?" Without hesitation Alex bit back "I've done it before!" Nikita's arms dangled by her side as she shifted from foot to foot, this wasn't how she wanted things to go between her and Alex but she held her ground unable to show Alex how much she was hurting inside.

"To save my life right? What's it gonna be for this time….or do you even know or does Amanda have you so turned around you don't know what to believe anymore?" Nikita knew this would stir something inside Alex hell it stirred up repressed memories of Alex pulling that trigger and shooting her with no remorse.

Alex's gun wavered but she composed herself her hands gripping the gun tighter and her face hardening "I know what I believe and I know what I want and I'm using Division to get it!" it was said so quickly and perfectly it was almost as if Alex had rehearsed it or had been drilling it into her mind until she herself believed what she was saying.

Nikita could sense there was a crack in Alex's armour and she took the chance and stepped closer to Alex "THEY are using you it's what they do you can't trust them!" Nikita was serious she didn't want to see Alex get hurt again and she certainly didn't want Amanda getting her claws back into her.

Alex faltered again her face awash with pain but she was quickly fired up again as memories of betrayal flooded back "I DON'T TRUST ANYONE!" she roared back. Quickly Nikita was in her face and knocking the gun out of her hand. Alex swiftly swung and missed but tried again, Nikita was faster and caught hold of Alex's wrist, in vain Alex tried again with her other fist but Nikita was there again and grabbed her arm bending her right under her left causing Alex to cry in pain. She knocked Nikita back.

Nikita held up her hand in warning "stop" She didn't want to hurt Alex but she would certainly have to defend herself from Alex's assault. Alex was furious and she menacingly stalked towards Nikita kicking her in the shins, there was a flurry of fists and slaps to the face but Alex managed to catch Nikita's arm and back hand her violently across the face. Alex stumbled back breathing heavily her face awash with worry as if she could believe she had just hit Nikita.

Alex felt like she couldn't stop now and went to unleash another onslaught of pain on Nikita. Although Nikita really didn't want to do this she was ready for Alex and when she launched at her she picked her up and flung her on the bonnet of the crashed car. As Alex's back connected with the hard metal of the car she moaned in pain; it felt like her spine had shot through her stomach.

"I said stop" Nikita ordered holding Alex's arms down on the car and leaning against her legs so she could move. Alex struggled and tried to kick her legs out but Nikita was stronger and they both knew it. "GET OFF ME NIKITA" Alex screamed managing to get a hand free as Nikita was shocked by the pain in Alex's voice she quickly recovered and slammed Alex's arm back down onto the car "Not until you tell me what all this is about" Alex's body went limp and she closed her eyes heaving a sigh "please Nikita just let me go" she whispered in resignation, she opened her eyes to reveal watery blue eyes, tears filling to the brim ready to fall at any second.

Nikita's head dropped and she huffed, her head snapped back up and she pinned Alex with a lethal stare "No Alex you don't get to do that, you have no right, you can't hate me and then cry asking me to let you go…you attacked me now I demand an answer!" Alex was taken aback by the fierceness in Nikita's eyes.

"I don't hate you" Alex whispered unlocking her eyes from Nikita's. "Come again" Nikita commanded not sure if she had heard right. "I don't hate you" Alex repeated more sternly this time "I could never really hate you" Nikita stumbled back letting go of Alex and allowing her off the bonnet of the car "Then why all this?" she gestured to their surroundings. Alex smoothed herself out and then stepped closer "I could never hate you I just hated that you could lie to me, the one person I trusted in the whole world kept such a secret from me and I wanted to make you feel how I felt!"

"Don't you think I know how you feel , don't you think I've had this happen to me before, don't you think I feel guilt and remorse every day for not telling you; Alex it tore me apart everyday but I was only trying to protect you, I thought once you knew you would leave and I didn't want you slipping back into your old drug habit you are worth so much more than that Alex" unshed tears glistened in Nikita's eyes, this was the first time she had been so open and vulnerable to Alex and to be honest it scared Nikita shitless.

Alex stepped forward and wiped away a stray tear from Nikita's cheek and levelled her with an earnest stare "I'm so sorry Nikita" she breathed out. Nikita finally got a good look at Alex and could see that she was bleeding from her shoulder it must have been from the force she hit the car with. Nikita's eyes darkened and her hand reached out to touch Alex's shoulder "I hurt you" she murmured pulling back her fingers which had a small amount of blood on it.

Nikita touched Alex's cheek with her other hand "God Alex I'm so sorry for this, for your dad, for everything, God I'm sorry!" She cried pushing Alex away from her, she was disgusted with herself she had broken her one and only rule **Keep Alex safe. **Alex stepped forward but Nikita continued to back away from her until her back hit the alley wall and she couldn't go any further.

Alex's thumb was on Nikita's lip and she hissed in pain "I split your lip" Alex stated almost hypnotised as she gazed at Nikita's lip. She leaned up and placed a chaste kiss over the split in the lip and then rested her forehead against Nikita's "Please forgive me, I need you" she breathed out her breath caressing Nikita's cheek.

"I was never mad at you" Nikita muttered back her lips ghosting over Alex's "Don't ever go anywhere again ok? She asking her fingers roaming over Alex's features and finally settled on her neck.

"I promise" Alex responded and latched her lips onto Nikita's as if her life depended on it. It was in that moment that Alex realised she needed Nikita more than she needed air and she was going to show Nikita everyday how sorry she was. And for Nikita she was just happy to have HER Alex back in her arms and finally be able to show her how much she cared.

Hope you guys liked it and feel free to comment; always love to get feed back


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